Shadow Y Luz

Today, I’m not here to inspire you. I’m not here to be the “picture perfect overcoming adversity” story people portray me to be. I’m tired. I’m annoyed. I’m a Therapist who spends all her days untangling other peoples messes while my own knots tighten. I’m frustrated– and I’m saying it out loud!

So here’s the thing, being blind doesn’t make me some zen master, floating through life on fluffy clouds of patience. I’m not your Yoda with a cane. It just means I cannot see the chaos- but trust me, I can feel it. I’m a Therapist, which basically says I’m professionally obligated to to nod, smile and say things like, “tell me more,” while internally I am screaming, “what the actual f&^$#”!

Blindness is not my problem, people are. People love to tell me how “brave” I am for simply existing. Thanks, but “bravery” isn’t what keeps me going, coffee does, sarcasm does. Sometimes, sheer spite does. Here’s the kicker- I don’t want to be inspiring today. I don’t want to put a positive spin on it. I want to be angry, I want to be messy. I want to admit that some days, the darkness isn’t about my eyes- it’s the routine, daily frustration and yes, the gdamn dishes in the sink.

The slow days, the empty space, the feeling that I’m trapped inside my own head while life happens out there- those are the feelings that make me want to throw something. Except, you know, I would probably miss, forget it’s there and trip on it.

You know what is exhausting? Being someone’s emotional trash can while you try and keep your own garbage from spilling out. When a session ends, guess what? The chaos doesn’t just disappear. It hangs in the air like bad perfume, and I’m stuck marinating in it because my own life has felt overwhelming. 

So, if you came here for a pep talk- wrong blog. Today, this Therapist is pissed off, in a mood, and not going to sugar coat it. And you know what? That’s okay. Honesty just might be the therapy I needed all along.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at, somewhere between laughing at the absurdity of it all and ugly crying and screaming into the void, possibly with a slice of pizza. If you have ever felt like the darkness is closing in, pull up a chair. I may not see you, but trust me, I feel you. Stick around, there’s more where this came from.