Shadow Y Luz

Want to know what violently raises my blood pressure?

Parents who use therapy as a parenting tool.

Like, oh, little Timmie’s acting up? “No problem, I’ll just outsource his emotional development to a licensed professional.”

No, Becky, I’m not a behavioral exorcist. Therapy is not the emotional equivalent of a Roomba. You can’t just drop your kid off so I can tidy up the mess.

Let me paint you a picture. A parent storms in, saying, “Fix my kid.” Meanwhile, the “kid” is sitting there like, “I’m just reacting to the chaos you built, Susan.” And then everyone stares at me like I’m about to perform emotional CPR with a scented candle and some deep breathing exercises.

I can’t fix your child if you keep undoing the stitching every time they leave the office. Therapy isn’t a repair shop– you can’t drop your child off like you’re doing an oil change and I’m doing the emotional rotating of their tires.

Therapy only works when YOU do the work. That means you actually have to show up and oh- (gasp) actually parent your kid.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “Tell your therapist what you did,” said in that I’m-gonna-get-you-in-trouble tone.
Congrats, you’ve just made therapy feel like detention.
Nothing says “emotional safety” like being marched into session to confess your sins.

Here’s the nail in the coffin. When the parent says, “I don’t need therapy, little Johnnie does.” Oh, sweetheart, bless your heart! Save your breath and book you a session. You will need it.

Because therapy is not about “fixing your kid.” It’s about looking at yourself and your family dynamic so you can see how you have contributed to your kid’s outbursts. It’s about admitting that your kid might just be reacting to the chaos you created.

Therapy is not a drop off service- you don’t get to tag me in while you go get your pumpkin flavored Starbucks.

Therapy is not there to replace you.

I am not your executioner.

It’s about helping you show up- but better.

So next time you say, “therapy doesn’t work,” ask yourself,

Am I?